Saturday, October 12, 2013

Day 12: You're never fully dressed without a smile (and yoga pants)

Today, I laughed at: the fiance pulling me onto the air mattress we've been sleeping on in the new house and saying, "Hey, let's cuddle."
Here's my future husband, TSPing
the walls in L.'s new room.
Between having a new house and the officialism of the engagement ring that's given us this crazy sense of "Wow! We have a lot ahead of us!"
Not only do we have a house we can basically make our own, despite renting (best landlords = future in-laws), but while we're doing mundane things like TSPing the walls, we can talk about wedding planning.

It's just a nice feeling to have a great relationship and a lot to look forward to.
(Am I making you sick with how cute we are? Trust me, we constantly comment on how sickly sweet we are, too.)

I used to think I was a pessimist. Actually, I think I would actively try to be a pessimist.

I liked the idea that if you were a pessimist, you wouldn't be as disappointed. But, as a pessimist, I realized you're also setting yourself up for not being as happy when things do go right.

That said, it's very difficult for me to find something to laugh at if I'm in a bad mood. And it's even more difficult to snap myself out of that bad mood the longer I'm in it.

One night last week, I had finished a draining night at work. I drive him with a scowl on my face. As I pulled in the driveway, though, I realized I wanted to be happy to come home to the fiance. I made myself smile.

You know how they say it takes more muscles to frown than smile? I find that hard to believe when you're trying to force yourself to smile. It felt like it was stretching my face in a way it was not meant to be stretched.

Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. That's how I felt. (By the way, "Addams Family 2: Family Values" is one of those sequels that far surpasses the original. It's the perfect time to watch it, if you haven't already.)

But, I forced that smile. I forced it until I pulled into my space and started walking to the door. I felt, eh, better I guess. So then I mentally listed five things to smile about.

Maybe that would have made it easier.

I was happy to be coming home to the boyfriend (at the time, this is before the ring). I was going to see L. the next day, even if it was for a short time. I was coming home to my cats. I barely had anything leftover from my cold by this point. The boyfriend had done laundry, including my yoga pants, which would be warm out of the dryer. Yoga pants! My yoga pants were clean! There was my reason to smile right at that second!

By the time I had gotten upstairs and greeted the boyfriend, that scary smile had seeped into my brain and I think he was scared of the crazy smile I had going on. After about five minutes, I was downright giddy. I couldn't figure out what happened, and the boyfriend asked if I had a good day.

"Oh goodness, no! I'm just happy to see you!" I answered, not sure if I was talking to him or my yoga pants I was about to put on.

I found myself more prone to laughter that night, which is always a good thing. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a pessimist. I don't think anyone is really meant to be a pessimist. I think it's just too easy to focus on the bad things that already happened rather than the good potential of the future. (Or a good pair of a yoga pants.)