31 for 31

Happy Monday!

I turned 31 on Friday. Please don't sing "Happy Birthday." The only reason I don't post my birthday on Facebook is because I avoid that song like the plague. I hate it. HATE IT. Have you ever noticed the more people involved in singing it, the more out of tune everyone is? What is that about?

Anyway, as much as I would have loved to do a second year of good deeds to match my age, I was working (saving days off for my honeymoon) and really did not have the budget. However, I did come up with an idea to celebrate my 31 years of age and, um, wisdom.

So, here you go. Thirty-one of my personal tips and tricks I've collected throughout the years.

Let It Go ...

Sorry there aren't more
photos in the post.
I was busy doing mom
things at Target.

No, I am not referring to the newest song terrorizing parents and Facebook feeds. I'm using that title to refer to the feeling a parent must get when they can't say exactly what's on their mind when others are observing either them or their children. But, for anyone who just wants a glimpse into the mind of a parent whose child is currently doing her thing and being 3, this is what we're really thinking. And how we wish to respond, but can't because we're trying to set an example.

To the woman who is "helping" me locate my child who is currently running through the store because she didn't want to sit in the cart.

Believe it or not, I recognize my daughter's footsteps. They haunt me. I hear them at ungodly hours on weekends, creeping slowly to my bed to wake me up. I hear them chasing the cat around the house. I can hear them running in an opposite direction or coming toward me. I know as soon as I unwrap any sort of food for myself, those footsteps will soon follow. I can hear them stop and know, after about two minutes of silence, to see what she's up to.

She's not a light stepper. And I'm OK with that.

It's her party, and I'll cry if I want to

Even this party planning committee would be in
hell trying to find a space for a 3-year-old's party.

I am currently in the throes of planning L.'s third birthday party. It's kind of awful. When the fiance set out to finish the basement, I was told there was a good chance it would be done by the end of February, early March at the latest. Well, there was a snag when the guy who was supposed to hook up the heat had to get surgery on his hand and we now have no idea when it will be done.

Our upstairs is way too small for 15 adults and 5 children. Heck, when we have a simple playdate, it seems crowded!

We recently went to a birthday party for one of Layla's friends and the condo had a nice open floorplan, perfect for kettling little ones, while keeping the parents on the sidelines to act as ropes in a wrestling ring and bounce them back in.

So, last night, about four hours were spent on Google looking for a space to hold L.'s "The Lorax" themed birthday. Holy. Moly. First off, let's put some things into perspective:

Why I like Myers-Briggs

Last year, as part of my obsession with immersion into all things The Art of Simple (formerly Simple Mom), I listened to Tsh's podcasts on my commute to and from work. One of the topics she talked about was Myers-Briggs personalities.

I took a little psychology in high school, but I had never heard of Myers-Briggs. I decided to take a test to find out what my type was. I assumed the personalities wouldn't be that much different and it was possible this was another pop-psychology personality test. Like those quizzes in magazines in which I would usually find myself answering with all Bs and the answer key would tell me I am smack-dab in the middle of everything. Yawn. Oh, but I was wrong. And learning about Myers-Briggs and my personality type has actually helped me dramatically in finding out more about how I function, as well as how I thrive in certain environments and feel uncomfortable in others.

Happy New Year!

From the Self-Evident Supermom household to yours, have a very happy new year!

It's as if she's mocking me,
saying, "Oh, you fool,
you think 2 is bad? Wait."

This year will bring a new job (surprise, surprise!), a new schedule for both me and L., the dreaded Terrible 3s (3 is the new 2, have you heard?), potty training (ugh, eventually), a wedding, L. starting school and, hopefully, more topics to write on and more productivity, all while trying to maintain simplicity.

Every year, I make 10 resolutions. I figure I have chance to keep at least one.

Before I set my goals for 2014, I'd like to just take a minute to list my accomplishments of 2013. Not for bragging purposes, but as inspiration that sometimes, despite what my inner critic thinks, I can do it!

Never would I ever ...

Don't let the smile fool you, there is FEAR in those eyes.

"When I'm a parent ... "

Let me stop you right there, oh childless ones who say these words. You think you're so wise. Well, I hate to speak in terms of absolutes, but you're not. Despite how many kids you've babysat for or how many younger siblings you've taken care of, you have no idea how your mind somehow changes and, dare I say it, warps  when you have a child of your very own. A child you're responsible for shaping and turning into a decent human being. Not to mention, you have to keep this child alive! And, though a lofty goal, at the very least, you picture these happy, heartfelt moments with your children 24/7.

I won't spoil the surprise for when you find out in the first 48 hours at home with your new child that these heartfelt moments are hard to come by when you're not even sure what you're supposed to do with this little one and you're sleep deprived and you're questioning every single thing you're doing and wondering if you're doing them all wrong.

And, as soon as you find the answer you're looking for and something "works," the next day, you'll be searching for a new answer to a new question and/or the answer you just found that worked will no longer work.

The stuff I used to judge ...

Before I was a mom, well, let's just say I wish I could go back and slap myself in the face for judging any other parent ever in the history of the world. Except when I judged "Mommie Dearest." I think that was the only one that was OK to have an opinion on.

The truth is, parents are doing the best we can. As much as I thought to my "wiser" (read: wiseass) self, "Oh, when I'm a mom, I won't _____(fill in the blank)___ like that mom over there," I had no right to even have an opinion. Even if it was a positive one. Because you don't know until you are a parent.

When an idol falls

My daughter is 2 1/2. She turned exactly 30 months this past week. I normally don't count months anymore. But I liked the idea that for one month, she would be the same age in months as I was in years.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to plan anything crazy, like my #30for30 Challenge. But, I must have been channeling it when I took this picture.

Quite similar to the photo taken the morning of my birthday before setting off to do 30 good deeds.

Best birthday ever, I think.

One of the reasons I enjoyed doing those 30 good deeds was, despite how young she was, I wanted L. to learn what it is to be a good person and, hopefully, find something admirable about what I was doing and maybe achieve something like it one day.

I'm not saying I want to be her idol. But how does a parent have influence on what kind of idols are admired in the house?

We hold these truths ...

Here's my own Declaration of Independence.

• I will not strive to impress anyone with my mothering skills.
• I will not succumb to Mom Guilt.
• I will focus my energy on raising a compassionate and confident daughter.
• I will not attempt to fall into the categories of "mommy blogger," "helicopter mom," "bad mommy," "hypochondriac mom," "organic," "overprotective," "divorced and bitter," "tiger mom," "woe-is-me," "martyr mom" or "Mommy Dearest."
• I will not think of my daughter in terms of categories such as "Terrible 2s," "a tantrum just waiting to happen" or "too ____ for her own good." Or, even worse, "a typical ___ year old." Because she will prove me wrong. Every time.
• I will OWN my messy ponytail, applesauced jeans and shirt with the juice stain from holding a sippy cup in my mouth and having the lid pop off while changing a diaper!
• I will be as honest with my daughter as I can.
• I will read parenting advice, but not obsessively. I will listen to my instincts, but continue to look for guidance.
• I will only give parenting advice when asked. I will not volunteer advice to other moms just because something worked wonders for us. (Aside from this blog, which is a take-it-if-you-want, not-written-in-stone type.)
• At the end of a "bad" day, I will remember that tomorrow is a brand new day. My daughter is too young to hold a grudge. And, if I can help it, she will not hold onto hurt and let it eat at her, like Mommy took almost 30 years to find out.
• I will use my weaknesses to help make my daughter stronger.
• I will use my strengths to make her nearly invincible.
• I will not apologize for toys strewn about or dishes left in the sink or a cat or two covered with sticky fur from even stickier hands.
• I will be thankful for every minute with my daughter, even if that thankfulness comes in hindsight.
• I will not blame my ex-husband for anything in my life. In fact, without him, I wouldn't have the most precious daughter in the entire world. We will both try to the best of our ability to co-parent successfully. Our little girl deserves it. We owe it to ourselves.

Without proof or argument, I am, by my own definition, a SUPERMOM.