Never would I ever ...

Don't let the smile fool you, there is FEAR in those eyes.

"When I'm a parent ... "

Let me stop you right there, oh childless ones who say these words. You think you're so wise. Well, I hate to speak in terms of absolutes, but you're not. Despite how many kids you've babysat for or how many younger siblings you've taken care of, you have no idea how your mind somehow changes and, dare I say it, warps  when you have a child of your very own. A child you're responsible for shaping and turning into a decent human being. Not to mention, you have to keep this child alive! And, though a lofty goal, at the very least, you picture these happy, heartfelt moments with your children 24/7.

I won't spoil the surprise for when you find out in the first 48 hours at home with your new child that these heartfelt moments are hard to come by when you're not even sure what you're supposed to do with this little one and you're sleep deprived and you're questioning every single thing you're doing and wondering if you're doing them all wrong.

And, as soon as you find the answer you're looking for and something "works," the next day, you'll be searching for a new answer to a new question and/or the answer you just found that worked will no longer work.

A toddler and her stomach bug

Banjo recovers quickly from losing her magic
on her first day.

As I previously mentioned, L. got her Elf on the Shelf and promptly began hugging, kissing and dancing with her. While the fiance and I were away, we sent Banjo to the North Pole to get her magic back. Santa sent us a photo of her progress and she came back, fully recovered. Now, that was an easy-peasy thing to remedy.

When it comes to your own children, however, not only do you learn there is nothing you won't do for your child, but you also take on this inner strength you might not regularly know you have. It's not the inner strength that shows itself when they're having a meltdown in the grocery store. It's not the inner strength that could come in handy when prompted to "all fall down" at the end of "Ring Around the Rosey" for the 40th time and you're not sure you will have the energy to stand up again. It's the inner strength that comes when you've reached what you perceive to be your limit and just keep going. Similar to the phrase mouthed by mothers to children, "Because I said so," when faced with a challenge, mothers subsequently tell ourselves, "Because I have to."

31 Days: "Does anybody remember laughter?"

When was the last time I laughed?

I asked myself this question yesterday midway through my shift at work. And I couldn't answer that question. It could have been that morning over something silly my boyfriend did. Or it could have been the day before with some coworkers. But I honestly couldn't remember having a "fit of laughter" in some time. At least not one memorable enough to look back on and laugh about later.

Actually, that's not true. I did get reminded of the "Saturday Night Live"  with Will Ferrell and Norm McDonald in a "Celebrity Jeopardy" skit in which McDonald plays Burt Reynolds and changes his name to Turd Ferguson. Something about that skit made me laugh uncontrollably at my desk last week and I couldn't stop. THAT'S the last time I memorably laughed.

(Until a few minutes ago when I decided to find the clip of that to post and ended up laughing so hard, I began coughing, a leftover side effect from my recent cold.)

It's good to know I have at least one trigger to incite my laughing. And, after watching that clip, I took stock of how I felt after. My shoulders let go of some of the tension; my mouth perked up on the sides, as if expecting to laugh again; my mind seemed less focused on "I must, I must, I must get this blog post written" and more on "What else is going to make me laugh this month?"

Here's where the challenge comes in.

When an idol falls

My daughter is 2 1/2. She turned exactly 30 months this past week. I normally don't count months anymore. But I liked the idea that for one month, she would be the same age in months as I was in years.

Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to plan anything crazy, like my #30for30 Challenge. But, I must have been channeling it when I took this picture.

Quite similar to the photo taken the morning of my birthday before setting off to do 30 good deeds.

Best birthday ever, I think.

One of the reasons I enjoyed doing those 30 good deeds was, despite how young she was, I wanted L. to learn what it is to be a good person and, hopefully, find something admirable about what I was doing and maybe achieve something like it one day.

I'm not saying I want to be her idol. But how does a parent have influence on what kind of idols are admired in the house?

It's the little things

I only have my daughter for half the week. Even though I'm not an avid fan, the boyfriend periodically will remind me how comedian Louis C. K. finds himself a better parent because of only having his kids half the week. I guess that's true. I get to give 100 percent in that concentrated amount of time, rather than stretching my energy over the course seven days.

For a long time when the separation was new, I would hold myself to the expectation of having something fun planned for every time I had L. That got to be too much energy and waaaay too much money. I've also realized that L. gets as much excitement from pulling up to our neighborhood park as she does when we drive halfway up the state for free admission at Kidcity Children's Museum every third Thursday of the month. It recently resonated with me that it's the little things when I see her that add up to big memories.

Here we are at the park and L. is being chased by little Freddy Krueger.
Five minutes later, little Freddy would not share any of the sand toys.
Little Freddy Krueger is a jerk.

A story of a toddler and her fur babies

Before L. was born, I had already had two fur babies. The Little Man (who, at one time, I assure you, was little) and Princess Penelope Von Purrypants of the Purrypants Kingdom, whom we just refer to as The Princess. They had regular names, given by my ex, but I had nicknames that ended up sticking.

The War

My darling sleep,

How I already miss you. I was taken away from you too soon this morning, not even by the Enemy, but by a thunderstorm, which in turn woke the Enemy from her slumbers.

When hoping to reunite with you during our usual afternoon rendezvous while the Enemy napped, a new strategy was used that our side was not prepared for: the Enemy has learned to climb out of her prison cell, or "crib," as we call it here on the battlefield. The sound of "thumps" came from Enemy camp as she fell onto the floor and promptly kept playing.

Soon, she had wandered over our line, camouflaged in dirty PJs from the laundry basket that, fittingly enough, said, "Too Cute to Sleep" and with a huge grin on her face, causing our side to erupt into hysterics.

Hiking with a little one

The boyfriend and I decided to take advantage of the awesome hiking mountain by us a few days ago. Secretly, I wanted to test it out before taking L. since I wanted her to get out into nature more.

The hike up the trail wasn't too difficult so, when the soreness finally went away, it was time to pick up L. for my days with her. So I decided we'd try it out with her.

She did much better than I expected a 28-month-old to do. (I normally don't use months for her age, but I wanted readers to have an idea of what we experienced.) At first, she was hesitant and held our hands up the first part. Then, after realizing she could follow the trail on her own, she was off running up the mountain.